6 minutes read

How to Be Resolution Oriented

Jack Murphy Live Resolution Oriented

7 Proven Ways to Improve Your Relationships Today

Hey Guys,

We all struggle at times in our relationships.  There are bumps and bruises along the way in any of them, even the best ones.  What the ‘good’ ones have that the ‘bad’ ones don’t, is a set of tools to help as conflicts arise.

Few of us want conflict to drag out any longer than it has to. Conflict with your girlfriend or wife disrupts your normal flow, distracts you from your goals, and drains your energy.  Being resolution oriented is as much about selfish-efficiency as it is about calming her down and quelling hot emotions.  Being skilled in the art of conflict resolution will improve the bottom line of your life directly.

Sounds good, right?  Who doesn’t want to keep their conflicts to a minimum?  Thing is, we’re not taught these skills by our parents, who often times have never even thought about things like this.  But we are different.  We are strategic in our decision making and this is yet another tool we’re going to add to our tool box.  Resolving conflict in a relationship is a skill like any other, and it can be learned and practiced.

What I am going to show you in this short post aren’t magic bullets, but rather practical, useful strategies you can implement right away to bring quicker resolution to conflicts you may face in your love relationships.

Some of you may think, but Jack, if I use these tools, I won’t be “alpha” or she will see me as weak.  Isn’t “happy wife happy life” a blue-pill trope?

Yes, it sure is.  But I’m not talking about changing your life around to make a girl happy, or losing sight of your mission.  I’m talking about ways you can improve your relationship – while maintaining your frame and status.

As long as you maintain your frame, she will love you even more for wanting to create peace and harmony between the two of you.

Your frame is what sets the tone for all conversations, conflict included. 

You’ve worked to improve your status through game, fitness and lifestyle enhancements to the point where you have choices in who you date. You get to be picky because you’ve created true abundance.  You have the power.

This mindset is how you must begin all relationships, especially the ones that have the potential to grow into something long-term.  You are the chooser, you are in control, this is your life and you’re seeing if she wants to come along for the ride.

Once you set the tone like that, these relationship tools won’t make you look weak, they will make you look like an uber-man. Being able to manage long-term love relationships with a red-pill mindset is the next level.

You will amaze her with your advanced maturity and willingness to comfort her. 

But remember: you’re not doing it for her per se, you’re doing it for yourself.  You want peace and harmony in your own life.

You want her settled so she can go back to the job of supporting you and your mission.

Without further ado, here are 7 proven ways to improve your relationships by being resolution oriented:

  1. Show basic concern for her well being.  Is she ok?  Are you ok?  Its easy to lose sight of that in a conflict.  Check in with her 
  2. Stay with the problem at hand. Don’t reach back into the past or open old wounds.  It’s easy to bring up old issues, or tie the current dispute to a larger theme. Try not to do that by staying focused on what is actually the problem today.  If there are bigger issues, a fight is not the time to discuss them.  Save that for when you’re calm.
  3. Be open and willing to engage. Being open means you consider her point and reflect on your own behavior.  Talk to her about both.  Be willing to actually have the discussion.  Just standing there is not a conversation.  You have to engage (if she is ready and able).
  4. Communicate your own feelings and needs.  As the leader in relationship, you must clearly state your own feelings and expectations. This is your life, she is along with you for the ride, and she must know where you stand.  That said, you must be willing to compromise on the margins as I write about in: Red Pill In Love II.
  5. Don’t blow up a small problem.  The entire relationship does not have to be on the line each time you have a conflict.  This is crucial.  Stick with the issue at hand.  Do not say things like, “you always do this!” or “I just don’t know if I can do this anymore.”  Making her feel like you can have a discussion without breaking up is key to long-term success and finding resolution.  Keep the discussion narrow and focused on the current matter, as a way to better manage resolution and get back to living your life with her in support.
  6. Avoid personal attacks and destructiveness.  In the heat of the moment, its easy to say things we regret.  Its easy to call each other names, be mean, or dismissive.  Try hard not to that.  Keep in mind, what’s said can never be unsaid.  Don’t call her a bitch, don’t call her crazy, and don’t explode. Maintain your focus on resolution. 
  7. Don’t withdraw. Stick with the goal of resolution.  Don’t run and hide, don’t stand there like a mute.  Pro-actively engage in constructive resolution.  This depends on her being willing to work towards solving the problem of course, which is why I advise screening hard for a resolution oriented girlfriend or wife.  But if you’re already in a relationship where she isn’t like that, there are times to step back. You can focus on letting her calm down, or giving her space if she needs it – but remain available for resolution.  One she calms down, often times just a hug and a few moments of closeness can clear things up.  Don’t hide physically or emotionally.

Wrap Up

This list isn’t exhaustive and only scratches the surface on each subject, but it is a good place to start.  In future articles I will be addressing these in greater detail but these should be enough to get you thinking how you can be be resolution oriented in your relationships.

Remember, a good woman is there to enhance your life, make you happier and literally make you healthier – keeping peace and harmony between you two increases the chances of those great things actually happening. 

Resolving conflict is the rational approach for the self-actualized man looking to maximize the value he receives from his love-relationships.  Try these tips out and let me know how they work for you. Report back in the comments.

–Jack

Just the Tip is a series of shorter, more targeted posts on game, frame, and getting things done.  Check the main page for monthly full-length features, and check back here for Just the Tip.