How to be more dominant?
Women across the continent fantasize about being sexually dominated. A recent study shows nearly 65% of women of all ages admit to having fantasies of being dominated.
Another 52% of them want to be tied up, and 36% of them fantasize about being spanked.
(I guess that answers the question, “do women like rough sex?”)
Think about that for a second.
Two out of every three women admit to fantasies of being dominated.
Two out of every three women you see on the street have deep desires of being taken roughly in bed and submitting to a worthy man.
Yes, 2/3 of women want to be submissive.
Half of them want to be tied up!
And this is just what they will admit to in a survey. I’m sure in truth those percentages are actually much higher.
If any of you were harboring the notion that not all women are “like that” or only freaks want to be submissive – I hope these numbers get the smoke out of your eyes and allow you to see women’s true nature:
Women love to be dominated
Females want to be submissive
They want you to be aware of and know how to do this instinctively.
Because, unfortunately, dominance cannot be solicited.
If she is requesting more dominance in bed, you’re in trouble. The question reveals her mind has wandered and been left wondering, where is the real man to turn me into his fuck toy?
Where is the man who puts his desires above mine, and in turn, pleases us both?
Where is the man who will give me confidence via his leadership?
Wives are asking, “how to make my husband dominate me?”
Girlfriends are asking, “how to make my boyfriend dominate me?”
Women are craving it, searching for it, all because men aren’t giving it to them.
Instead, we train men to be pussies.
With just a few google searches,” we can read how society, culture and the environment are working together to feminize men and boys. Culture teaches them to do the exact opposite of what turns women on as they’re taught to behave like girls.
The current climate of ‘everyone’s a rapist,’ consent classes, and the motto, “Above All Be Nice” – that’s not helping men get laid. Nor is devaluing male characteristics like aggression or risk-taking. There’s nothing wrong with being dominant. Especially when that’s what women want.
No one teaches our boys and men how to succeed in relationships – sexual or otherwise.
Instead, we obscure the true nature of women’s desire, and men are left fumbling with a dead end roadmap. A map women created, ironically, and handed it down through mothers, sisters, teachers: be yourself. Be nice. Women love nice guys. Don’t worry, someone will love you for who you are!
Even 50 Shades of Grey didn’t end the illusion once and for all. Our programming can’t be undone with one movie. When you look at the corn-fed girl from Nebraska, or the innocent looking nerdy girl – odds are they want you to dominate the shit out of them. Even the most ardent feminist yearns to be dominated sexually. You just need the tools.
You’re a bear that’s been taught to be a bunny rabbit.
You probably found this page because you asked, “how can I become more dominant?” Or maybe by typing, “how to be more dominant in the bedroom?”
Well, you’ve found the right place, my friend. I’m here to help.
What we’re doing here is a version of cognitive behavioral therapy. We are reprogramming ourselves, installing a new response behavior after identifying a source of major dissonance.
We’re increasing awareness of the problem: only bad girls want to be dominated / men aren’t taught how.
And teaching ourselves the replacement thoughts and skills: chicks are dying to be dominated / men can and shall dominate them.
Next time you see a cute girl, maybe a girl next door type – think to yourself: that chick is one of the 65% secretly submissive women out there. She is just dying to be dominated by a man. Use that as motivation. Discard the idea of nice girls wanting nice boys, it’s just not true. Dominance is what they want, let’s give it to them.
However, being dominant isn’t a magic bullet. It alone is not going optimize your relationships. It is yet another tool a man must develop and refine to become self-actualized and maximize his potential.
We know that being fit, having Game, and improving your lifestyle are the essentials.
But we want to build beyond that.
First, I showed you a moral framework for sexual health, illustrating a judgment-free yet morals-based guide to honesty and healthy sexual relationships.
Next, I gave you a plan for “Red Pill in Love,” showing you how to maximize your upside and minimize your downside when creating long-term love relationships. I even taught you love’s cycles and danger points, including how to develop it along the way.
Now, I’m going to introduce the idea of dominance, in and out of the bedroom.
What I’m about to give you is a Pocket Guide to Increasing Dominance. This is a short list of quick-hitting, easily accessible test behaviors you can use to gauge your comfort with being dominant and she in being submissive.
Give these a try and see how you both react.
Do you feel more comfortable?
Do you have more confidence?
Maybe a little more energy?
How does she react? Is she compliant? Did she bat her eyelashes? What did she say? Does it get easier the more you do it? Use this Pocket Guide as a test-run.
In time I will write more about the fundamental theories and broader application of dominance, both in sexual relationships and in general – but for now, give these tips a shot and report back. Let me know what works in the comment sections.
Without further ado:
Jack Murphy’s Pocket Guide to Dominance In and Out of the Bedroom
Out of the bedroom…
Be the leader, have a plan, handle business
Women adore men who lead them. Even women who intellectually hate the idea of male dominance respond well in person to male leadership. Women are naturally submissive. They are also indecisive. They need a man to take charge.
An old joke explains: A woman is on death row. The guard asks “what would you like to eat for your last meal?” The woman pauses a moment, looks up and says, “I dunno, what do you want to eat?”
First dates, quick dinners – whatever – you better be the one making the plans. Never ask what she wants to do. If she asks days before your date what the plan is, say ‘I don’t know yet, but I’ll have one.’
Then make sure you have one. You’ve set her up to anticipate your leadership. Follow through.
This leadership takes many forms. It started with you asking her out, it continues with you having a plan for the date. While on that date, there are a few high leverage moments where you can really establish the frame and set yourself apart even if you do a standard dinner or drinks.
When you arrive – talk to the hostess. Arrange for a table. Is it not good enough? Firmly but politely ask for a different one. Take charge. Ideally, you’ll take her to a place that knows you well, someplace where you will get great service and a predictable experience. But until then, make good with what you can do. Get the good table.
While waiting to order, ask her what she wants. Find out exactly. Then when the waitress comes, order for both of you.
You will likely blow her mind with that. It’s simple but effective. When I ordered for @the_red_hen on our first date, she was impressed and turned on immediately. It arouses a woman to see you take charge while also taking care of her. She got what she wanted to eat, and she got a dose of dominance to turn her on.
Because lets be real, the date is foreplay with the goal of sex later, whether that night or the next. The dominance you wish to exert in the bedroom starts in your non-sexual interactions.
Each act of compliance on her part increases her investment in you and the date/relationship.
Ordering her food now makes ordering her to lick your balls later just that much easier.
And in the bedroom…
You’ve worked your way through the date showing your dominant frame naturally as the night progressed. The setting is established, you’re ready to dominate her in the bedroom. But of course, you need her consent. But how does a dominant male get consent without losing frame?
“Are you ready to get fucked?”
Consent is real. You must have the consent of your woman before you have sex with her. But asking her for affirmative consent like they teach in colleges will dry her pussy up quickly. If you ask her, “can I have sex with you?” you might get it that time, but odds are you won’t get it the next. It submits you to her desires and permission. This is the opposite of what she wants.
Instead of requesting permission, ask her if she is ready. “Are you ready to get fucked?” is my all-time number one go-to line. It has never failed me. Why?
- “Are you ready to get fucked?” sets the tone perfectly.
- It demonstrates you have a plan in the bedroom, you are confident in your ability, and you assume she has the desire.
- And you are assuming the sale.
In reality, you’re not asking her if she is ready, you’re asking her: how badly do you want me?
It is aggressive, hungry, and enticing. It’s dominating.
You’re in charge of yourself, her, and the situation (in that order).
Talk to her while she goes down on you
This one is a little more advanced, but its one guys in relationships can certainly put to use right away. When she goes down on you, and she should be going down on you all the time, talk to her:
- “You are doing such a great job.”
- “Man this is so hot.”
- “I love what you’re doing to me.”
But don’t say, “oh my god that’s amazing, that’s the best head I’ve ever got, ummmhnngg.” No.
This is about you being in control, even when she is sucking your dick. Remain calm. Talk to her as she blows it, it is more important than getting your dick wet.
The very act of her blowing you is submissive. But when you add the talking, it demonstrates how controlled you are. It shows her that even while you’re getting head, you can still mold her the way you want.
Expert level tip: The blow job becomes ritualized. We refer to the act of her going down on me as “home.” While she goes down on me, I use the time to review her behavior and coach her towards more of the behaviors I like. She is fixating on my dick, and I’m deepening my dominance. I say things like, “You love sucking that dick don’t you?” “Sucking my dick makes you feel safe and taken care of.” “You’re being a good girl, I love it when you’re a good girl.” “Keep being such a good girl for me and you’ll get more of your reward.” “Sucking my dick is your prize for being good.”
Imagine if you could get your girl to see giving you a blow job as her REWARD for being good
That’s the next level guys.
The King Position / “Come be my Queen”
From blow job hypnosis to cuddling, dominance shines through in all situations. A quick and easy way to add dominance to your life beyond sex is to only cuddle in this one position, the king position.
Yes, cuddling is part of the self-actualized male’s arsenal, and I love to do it all the time. It is a great way to solidify your dominance of her physically and to chill out, satisfied, soaking it all in.
After a thorough session, you give her the care she craves by letting her cuddle up to your body. It allows the dominance to season while she inhales your pheromones. And as she relaxes and bathes in the oxytocin flooding her system, cuddling strengthens your position in her mind and body. Double down on the hormonal effect by allowing her to snuggle on you. Cuddling after sex can actually increase your intimacy and your dominance.
But – only in one position: The King Position – where you lay on your back and she snuggles under your arm, her head on your chest/shoulder, arm and leg wrapped over/around you.
Say, “come be my queen,” and motion for her to join you. You are dominant by position, she submissive by being smaller and snuggling up to you. And by using the word “Queen” you’re putting her second to you, the King. You’ve elevated her to royal status, but men, you’re still the fucking KING.
Have her scratch your chest and rub your nuts from this position for extra measure.
I can’t teach you everything about dominance in one blog post. Over time, I will write more on day-to-day dominance as well as how to be more so in the bedroom.
Dominance is not something you turn on and off. If you’re not naturally dominant, it will take time to adopt the proper mindset and refine how it expresses itself. Once it takes hold, it will be natural and effortless, something you don’t even think about. What seemed crazy once before will now become the new normal.
Today, I live with a woman in a full time dominant/submissive relationship and it seems perfectly normal to me. Yet ten years ago, I would have thought it insane. I had to learn baby steps back when I started, and the tips given in this article are meant to be just a teaser for you and your girl. Try them out, see what happens, and report back in the comments. They are not steps towards a full-time BDSM relationship like mine, but rather a cure for the feminist indoctrination young men and boys receive from birth. This is counter-programming meant to help you find your true self as an individualist man in today’s society.
The take away I want you to get from this article is that underlying each of my suggestions is the notion of thoughtful stewardship.
Your job is to lead her to better places. Teach her new things. Show her new ways of thinking, acting, and fucking. Literally, take her hand and show her the way. As a benevolent dictator, you’re not making uninformed unilateral decisions. You are casually learning the facts and then acting on them in a dominant way. Being dominant doesn’t mean being rude, demanding or angry.
Rather, this is an elegant way you can control her, the situation and the experience such that everyone is better fulfilled. It speaks to the fundamental nature of our roles as humans: men as leaders and women as complements. Your being dominant in day-to-day activities will make her feel safe, it will impress her, and it will solidify your position as the leader in the relationship.
And when dominant with her in the bedroom you will increase your confidence, enhance your connection and blow your sex right through the roof.
So, get started and let me know how it goes.
What did I miss? What other tips have you learned along the way? Tell me what works for you and what doesn’t? Let us know in the comments –
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