Are we entitled to our dreams? How do we go about getting what we want? Success in life and relationships is built upon a solid foundation of Fitness, Lifestyle, and Game. Learn how to master the basics and Build a Better Life.
Build a Better Life
We all come to crossroads in life. Times of change and transformation are trying. For some of us, like me, change often comes when the dissonance of staying the same becomes too painful to bear, and our subconscious spurs us into action. The seat gets too hot, so you move.
Do you want to use this inflection point to move on to better things?
Since you found Jack Murphy Live, I know you’re looking to use this moment of change as a way to evolve into something better. You are a reader, a seeker of knowledge, and not one to simply accept what life unceremoniously tosses in your face.
You want to take control of your life, master yourself and in time, master your environment and those around you.
Maybe you dream of a family and kids, with a wife who adores you and supports your mission selflessly. Maybe you want to solve the mystery of why all women seem crazy and have some fun dating. Or maybe you just want to transform yourself in preparation for the next stage of life.
Whatever it is you’re seeking here, taking responsibility for your own life, emotions, and success is the first step.
Here is what I’ve learned.
Build a Better Life, The Basics: Game, Fitness, Lifestyle
I’ve covered lots of advanced topics at Jack Murphy Live such as:
- How to develop and manage love relationships,
- How to maximize value in your marriage decision,
- How to operate within an advanced framework for sexual health,
- How to be more dominant within your relationships, and
- How to make a come back when life drags you down.
In each of those, I’ve mentioned Game, Fitness, and Lifestyle as pre-requisites for success in these or any aspect of life. I glossed over them in those articles but now is the time to explain their personal significance to me and show you how you can begin maximizing them yourself.
GAME
Self-improvement is a lifelong process. Some goals may take months or even years to accomplish. Building out your body or customizing your lifestyle can be grueling. Progress may plateau even with daily effort. But we don’t want to wait years before we start enjoying the fruits of our new life. We all crave connection, and frankly, many of us just want to get laid.
Believe me, I get it.
That’s where Game comes in.
Game, as I’ve come to understand it, is a support structure and scaffolding you create in order to present the image of a successful, mission-oriented man with options – even if you’re not yet.
There are a lot of rules and tactics that come with Game. Whether it’s delaying your text response, purposefully being aloof, or acting with an “amused mastery” of women and life – they are nothing more than artificial constructs meant to help you develop an initial attraction but do not actually increase self-development.
Game tactics teach us how to imitate the self-realized man.
Imagine a successful man with his own mission and abundance of dating choices:
- He doesn’t need rules,
- He is skeptical towards new women he meets,
- To him, a new woman is a risk – she may be nuts and she may distract him from his goals, and
- He stays aloof, patiently analyzing her for her weaknesses, figuring out if she will fit into his life before making an investment.
Naturally, his text responses will be delayed because well, he’s busy. He will seem disinterested or even skeptical. And he is definitely the one making the decision to go forward – whether directly to bed and no further – or towards a relationship and potentially love – it’s his choice.
This man isn’t adhering to tactics; women just fall into place. He already has choices, he already has fuck buddies, and he already has his lifestyle together.
To the contrary, a guy just starting out or re-entering the dating market may not have any of these characteristics developed already. He may be needy, he may feel desperate due to lack of choices, and he just may be driven mad by the urge to copulate. Because of this, he needs techniques to hide these conditions and to suggest he’s the man he is creating but isn’t just yet.
While this is hardly an exhaustive description of Game whatsoever, it does capture the general essence: practical game is meant to emulate the attitudes, affectations and decision making of the in-demand “alpha” male.
In this regard, “Game” is definitely not the end game.
Game is your scaffolding of support while you grow. Game is your successful big brother or older friend saying, hey try this, it works for me. Game is for those who have just begun their exploration of the dating market. It can be useful, practical, and very effective when put to deliberate use.
However, if you’re like me and live your life the way I’ve described, you will outgrow game quickly. In fact, you will outgrow game so quickly, your game tactics will cease to be effective and even run counter to your goals.
The true advanced level game is not emulating an alpha male or your idea of one. No, the higher level game evolves into a reverse seduction. She doesn’t just desire you, she sees your elevated status as unreachable. You must be more open, more available, and more vulnerable in order to close this gap. All of which run counter to initial game precepts.
See, when you’ve built a bad-ass body, crafted your lifestyle to suit your needs and have achieved levels of success – women will rightfully see you as high value. You’ve already sent your signal and triggered her attraction.
High-value men “running game” look like idiots and fuck up more relationships than they create.
Game ultimately evolves into the art of building connections – not creating artificial distance.
Learn and internalize basic game as you’re working on the rest of your life. You’ll get laid, have fun, and learn a lot about yourself in the process. But, please dear god don’t get tied down in a relationship early in your process. You must maximize your own value before committing to a relationship. Simply learning game won’t do that on its own. Maximize the other levers of Fitness and Lifestyle before taking that plunge.
FITNESS
An improved physical condition will enhance every component of your life.
Whether it’s attracting more women, performing better at work, or being a better father – getting your ass in shape will make them all better.
People will respect you more. With increased confidence, you will discover better work opportunities. Your strength will trigger instinctive attraction from women. You will command a greater presence as your self-mastery becomes evident.
Getting there is a grind, not going to lie.
But when you develop the look, all the other pieces start to find their place.
Do this and watch how you suddenly command respect from those around you. The next time you take a girl out to dinner and don’t get the best table, see how the hostess reacts when you ask for something better. Does she simply shrug her shoulders and say something like, “Um, sorry that’s the only table we have” and then walk away, or does she smile and say, “Sure, right this way!” I’ve experienced each, and I think it’s obvious what we’d all prefer.
This happens across the board with every single man who puts in the time. It is indisputable. Personal trainers, coaches, athletes, and guys who go from chump to champ all know its true. Being fit and strong makes you better at everything you do.
As if that wasn’t enough, being strong has another virtue beyond improving confidence and making life easier – it sends positive signals and attraction cues.
We message the external word indicating our identity, expectations, and desires. Those signals are received by others and either attract or repel them based on their own motivations.
Fitness is a magnet for the types of people we wish to have in our lives.
I’m into sweet, submissive, caring, horny, home-maker types. That type of woman is attracted to big, manly men with muscles. She is attracted to masculinity, as she understands polarity and the need to complement not equal her man. I want a woman who appreciates me for being a man, therefore, I must BE masculine.
Once my body was built and I added other elements of masculine style (beard, clothes, confidence) the type of woman I wanted simply found me.
I attracted the right kind of woman by signaling my masculinity (strength, dedication, determination) with my physical presence. This increased the odds of success by improving efficiency and creating a process of self-selection.
A pushy dominating woman will ignore a guy like me with built-out traps and a V-taper. She will find that soft, no shoulder having scrub who may earn a good living and have a nice life now, but who will live a life of hell once she gets her hands on him.
My body, strength, and style hand-delivered me the kind of women I wanted.
Call it coincidence, call it the mysteries of the universe, or call it signaling – just by building my body I encountered many more feminine, submissive, sexually open and adoring women than ever before.
Like investing in a prime piece of real estate, it takes a lot of capital and effort up front, but the dividends are life-long and many. Get started now.
LIFESTYLE
Basic game and developed fitness can only take you so far. A holistic approach to organizing your life is required.
Through lifestyle engineering you can create the life you desire, maximizing your chance of success in achieving specific goals. You take charge of your life and make your dream scenario a reality.
It sounds like a given, doesn’t it? That you would deliberately create the life you want? If only it were that easy. The typical advice we get as men lead us towards the status quo rather than to exceptional.
That’s not for us. We don’t accept what life gives or demands, we demand what we want from life – and get it.
In “The Comeback,” I told you we needed a personal business plan for life, where we create an action plan around our goals. This plan defines our mission. And every man must have a mission.
Some reasonable goals based on where you are in life:
- I want to meet more high-quality women
- I want to strengthen and develop my marriage
- I want to make as much money as I can
- I want to be a Sex God
- I want to move from this town
Whatever your personal goals are: they are valid. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It is your life, your decisions and you only get one go ‘round so make it count.
My personal examples:
“Make the most money, in the least amount of time, having as much fun, and doing as much good as possible.”
At another stage in my life, it was: “I will become a Sex God.”
At another time it was: “I will become a professional DJ and producer” (more on that later)
Point is, only you know what your goals are and as I said, they are valid.
During my “Sex God” phase, I used my business plan for life to create optimum conditions for sex god development. I rented an apartment downtown in the hottest neighborhood. I built my body into a muscular chick magnet. I did yoga and got deep into the community. I surrounded myself with the greatest number of good-looking, fit, young women I could find and got to work.
Supplemented with reading to support my goals (books on Game, BDSM, Tantra, dominance), my lifestyle design produced maximal results – ie. sex god status achieved.
You can do this too – you just need a plan.
My current mission for life is “freedom and family.” To make that happen, I moved into a house with lots of bedrooms and a yard for my kids. I arranged work such that I can work from home several days a week. I found a woman I adore who wants to take care of me, my kids and the house. I coach little league. I attend piano recitals. I have no boss and plenty of time to write.
Crystalizing my plans around a concrete goal accelerated my success.
No, a plan in your head is not enough. You must write down your goals and consider the best ways to achieve them. It may take six months or it may take five years, but having a plan with goals gives you the best chance of winning.
WRAP UP
You may note a common theme here: game, fitness, and lifestyle simultaneously improve your life at large and improve your relationships as well.
This is because women don’t like losers. They like winners at life, rather than winners at Game.
Game is the training wheels we put on while we develop our physical strength and engineer our lifestyle. As those conditions improve, your attractiveness to others increases simultaneously, ultimately leading to the moment at which you discard the scaffold of game and stand alone as a developed man of strength and purpose.
I will build my life to suit my needs. I will not accept society’s scraps. I will become the man of my dreams.
I took this pledge years ago. As I pulled myself out of the darkness of a failed marriage, a broken body, and a seemingly hopeless future, I adopted this mindset and put it into action.
It’s easy to look at me today and think, that guy is a natural. He doesn’t have to change anything or work hard to make life look easy. Women and opportunity just come to him. He is “lucky.” As you’ve read, it wasn’t always like this.
I’ve logged thousands of hours improving myself since those dark days in 2009. I scoured internet forums, message boards, read every book I could get my hands on and even wasted hundreds of dollars on ‘products’ that sold me a dream, rather than useful, relevant, actionable advice.
I sifted through the fakers, haters, and theoreticians pontificating elegant frameworks void of any practical applications to find other men just like me, who were trying their damnedest to make their life something rewarding. Something fun. Something exceptional.
Together we kicked down the doors of life and demanded we get what we came for.
That’s what we’re going to do together now. You’re here at Jack Murphy Live so you’re part of my crew. And like a grizzled veteran on a championship sports team, I’m going to share my hard-fought wisdom and insight to lift up my guys and lead us to the promised land.
My strength is your strength. Together, we’re unstoppable.
If you’re ready to take it to the next level, sign up with me today:
Such a great article! It is obvious you have put a lot of time and effort into building a better life. I’m thrilled I can read your experiences and learn. I want to pass this along to my son. Thank you, Mr.Murphy!!
You’re welcome, Stephanie – and thank you!
Some of these basics can be taught at young age like fitness and strength. I’ve got my son’s little team doing squats and push ups every practice. Constantly emphasizing strength as essential component of life. Best to start young.
That is fantastic! We need more of this. Those kids and your son are lucky to have you coaching them!
Jack has provided a great outline and template for every man out there. It is important to realize (I think), that the line you are moving on, from “unsatisfied you” to “amazing you,” is YOUR line. Do not compare yourself to other men because that can breed dissatisfaction. For various reasons, I will never be like Jack (don’t want to reveal any identifying info), yet we are both highly successful men. We are probably in the top 5% of guys overall, and Jack is probably top 1%.
Note I say overall, because there is always a man out there who is better looking than you, who is more shredded than you, or who makes more money than you.
Here are my thoughts on his topics:
1. Game: get all the notches out of your system. This will take longer if you’re younger, and less time if you’re older. Ultimately, after a certain point, new notches will not provide you with any satisfaction. There is tremendous value in having an intimate relationship with a single woman you hold in esteem. I believe Jack has laid out posts where you can have a main girl and girls on the side in an honest fashion. I don’t quite subscribe to his ideals, but it is a failing of mine that I accept. I would say it takes about 2-3 years to get to the post-game mindset (where new notches lose their luster).
2. Fitness: I had to get a personal trainer in order to achieve my goals. I couldn’t do it on my own. Recognize that this is not a bad thing. Of course not everyone can afford a personal trainer, so see if you can find a buddy who is into it. Now, fitness (lifting) has become a big part of my lifestyle and it is something I am passionate about. It pays tremendous dividends in terms of health and women. If you are fit and healthy, you can freely tell girls you’re seeing to shape up and get leaner. I do it all the time. If you’re not fit, you can’t tell girls shit. Getting fit is not rocket science either. You have to lift heavy ass weights over and over and over again for weeks, months, and years. You stop when you die.
3. Lifestyle: I’m not a location independent person, although I can often work remotely. I’m fine with that. I like having a home. I like being grounded in a place. Since I also have children, a stable life is important. Figure out what you like by trying things you haven’t done, and then reflect how you feel. You may be surprised (or not). Do not be seduced by all this location independent stuff. The greatest men in history were not location independent. It may be for you, or it may not, but it is not “THE” way, merely “A” way (hint: I don’t know of a single location independent man who has children he cares about…coincidence?). My life is amazing now, and in a place where most people say it’s too hard or impossible. In fact, my main problem is that I’m TOO comfortable. It sounds like a good problem to have, and it is, but when you become more successful, you start having problems that make you sound like an asshole when you mention them. I’m okay with that.
The most important thing in everything that Jack wrote is action. Take action. And keep taking actions day after day. In a year you will not recognize yourself. Start today.
Dman – this is a sensational comment, thank you. You offering a complementary view to the post which could help clarify some things for guys. I appreciate it.
And you’re right – comparing yourself to others is a recipe for discontentment. It’ll get you down. Instead, make incremental progress towards your own goals every day. That’s where the secret of happiness is.
Great post! I underrated fitness for too many years – I was more of an “academic” guy. That was a complete bullshit idea as I found out later.
Thanks! Yeah, not only can you be book smart and physically strong – you must be. Historically, men have always been like that, strong in mind and body, it’s only recently that men have lost this focus. Glad it’s worked out for you.
Thanks! Yeah, somewhere along the way guys began to think that you could either be a nerd or a jock and not both, which of course is not how it had been historically. Its only been in recent generations where men think its one or the other. Glad to see its working out for you now, we’ll keep spreading the message. Being strong in mind and body is the way to go.
“My body, strength and style hand-delivered me the kind of women I wanted.”
This !.. Its the % 100 Percent organic, holistic package that will draw her to you. The trifecta if you will. My progression and subsequent relationship are testimony to this. Embracing my innate masculinity, warts and all, enabled me to create a marriage relationship that is the envy of most middle aged men. To any men on the fence – my advice is this: own your masculinity. Embrace it as a wonderful gift from God. Who gives a shit what the society around you thinks – most of them are living lives of quite desperation – married to fat harpies and trapped in a jobs that are killing them emotionally and physically.
I have a question more than a reply… I am a short guy on a small frame but i am a powerhouse. I’m 5’7″ and 135lbs. I’m not into the typical “masculine” sports or hobbies like football, blah blah. I am a skateboarder, surfer, snowboarder dirt bike rider who likes to fish, play music and fix shit. (also a hands on involved dad) I understand getting strong and fit but. I don’t have the big masculine guy physique you speak of or allude to. Is it possible for a guy like me to navigate through these things in these ways and not be as visually fit as most others and still have success?